An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Pooping to opera.
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