its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
