my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
