He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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