she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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