I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
