You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
