I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
