I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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