So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
