my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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