Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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