sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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