his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
