i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
