Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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