why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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