we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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