I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
