you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
