She's JV to your varsity
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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