Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize