they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
