I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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