I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
