life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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