Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
