His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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