In the future we'll all be gay
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
