It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
