ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
