My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
