I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
