We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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