i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
