I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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