Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
