He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
