Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
