he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
