i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
