My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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