Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
