I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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