I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
