Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
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