i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
