I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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