I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
