I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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