My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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