Kiss
Puke
we have pet lesbian snakes
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
