I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
