So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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