The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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