people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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