oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
