I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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