so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
