so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
