I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
