I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
