i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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