the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
its liver damage thursday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize