My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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