im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
