There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
