For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
