Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
