Well douche your snatch and let's go!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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