I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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