Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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