Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
