That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
